Too early for Christmas?
I am deeply in love with my wife. I love her so much that I would lay down in traffic for her if need be. I would give my life for her in an instant without even giving it so much as a second's thought. She is, however, insane.
Today is November the 17th. That makes yesterday November the 16th. My wife began decorating our home for Christmas yesterday. I can only guess that she's wanting to get a jump on the department stores who have yet to whip out their holiday fare.
I can forgive her wanting me to clean out the garage on a whim and then wonder why I'm ready to dig my eyes out of my head with the corner of a Boston Stone brick because I'm so tired from working all night the night before that I'm having hallucinations of The Muppets beating the almighty hell out of the Care Bears with tire irons and then feeding their flesh to each other in a psychotic orgy of gore. I can let go the fact that on a daily basis she makes me want to chew glass every time she asks me to take the trash out since she has packed it so full that items of filth are spilling over the edge of the can and onto our 3 cent a square foot linoleum and has not had the sense to remove the bag and simply replace it with an empty one that she can then proceed to fill up to the point of complete garbage saturation again. I'll even let slide the insane habit of reclining the BACK of the recliner without extending the chair to the full reclined position and then LEAVING it that way with the remote for the cable box shoved so far down into the innards of the chair that I have to flip it over like a beached whale to retrieve it.
I can overlook a lot of crap. But putting up the Christmas a tree a week before THANKSGIVING is just too much. Don't get me wrong. I'm as festive as the next guy. I love the holidays and everything that comes with them. Working on Thanksgiving is always one of the highlights of the season that I so enjoy. That, however, can't possibly hold a candle to the yearly Christmas Eve trip to her Aunt's house that doubles as a homeless shelter so I can spend the evening staring at the deranged occupants of said house while the kids that are present who aren't even school age yet are still able to tell everyone how many teeth my wife's Aunt actually possesses. You don't have to be 4 to be able to count to it.
Anyway, as I said before my wife started to display the Christmas knick knacks yesterday and started to unpack the tree this afternoon. Tomorrow I'll be able to enjoy an entire day of nothing but work that is disguising itself as holiday cheer. I'm sure that before the day is over I'll be up on the roof of our humble abode, stapling string after string of multi-colored C7 lights all over the friggin thing until I can't move due to what will surely be massive, unrelenting pain in my lower back caused from bending over down slope on the incline of our roof so I can spread just a little bit of Christmas Joy. This, only after a couple of hours driving from store to store to find the right size rain gutter clips to replace the ones that I broke last year while ripping the lights down off the house in a blind rage on my day off. Felize Navidad!!
I'll let you know how it goes.
Today is November the 17th. That makes yesterday November the 16th. My wife began decorating our home for Christmas yesterday. I can only guess that she's wanting to get a jump on the department stores who have yet to whip out their holiday fare.
I can forgive her wanting me to clean out the garage on a whim and then wonder why I'm ready to dig my eyes out of my head with the corner of a Boston Stone brick because I'm so tired from working all night the night before that I'm having hallucinations of The Muppets beating the almighty hell out of the Care Bears with tire irons and then feeding their flesh to each other in a psychotic orgy of gore. I can let go the fact that on a daily basis she makes me want to chew glass every time she asks me to take the trash out since she has packed it so full that items of filth are spilling over the edge of the can and onto our 3 cent a square foot linoleum and has not had the sense to remove the bag and simply replace it with an empty one that she can then proceed to fill up to the point of complete garbage saturation again. I'll even let slide the insane habit of reclining the BACK of the recliner without extending the chair to the full reclined position and then LEAVING it that way with the remote for the cable box shoved so far down into the innards of the chair that I have to flip it over like a beached whale to retrieve it.
I can overlook a lot of crap. But putting up the Christmas a tree a week before THANKSGIVING is just too much. Don't get me wrong. I'm as festive as the next guy. I love the holidays and everything that comes with them. Working on Thanksgiving is always one of the highlights of the season that I so enjoy. That, however, can't possibly hold a candle to the yearly Christmas Eve trip to her Aunt's house that doubles as a homeless shelter so I can spend the evening staring at the deranged occupants of said house while the kids that are present who aren't even school age yet are still able to tell everyone how many teeth my wife's Aunt actually possesses. You don't have to be 4 to be able to count to it.
Anyway, as I said before my wife started to display the Christmas knick knacks yesterday and started to unpack the tree this afternoon. Tomorrow I'll be able to enjoy an entire day of nothing but work that is disguising itself as holiday cheer. I'm sure that before the day is over I'll be up on the roof of our humble abode, stapling string after string of multi-colored C7 lights all over the friggin thing until I can't move due to what will surely be massive, unrelenting pain in my lower back caused from bending over down slope on the incline of our roof so I can spread just a little bit of Christmas Joy. This, only after a couple of hours driving from store to store to find the right size rain gutter clips to replace the ones that I broke last year while ripping the lights down off the house in a blind rage on my day off. Felize Navidad!!
I'll let you know how it goes.
posted by Dropdtuner at 8:13 PM
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